WOW!
I have been so incredibly busy I have not blogged in a long time, sorry about that guys! I am sure you are all in a huge panic and very sad that you haven't heard from me, all....1 of you. :)Well, the school year is now over and I am at home for the summer. The year ended without fanfare or many tears. I quickly and quietly packed my things and slinked away. I am now in the process of trying to find a new job. I want to be somewhere where I am wanted. I have quite a few applications out in the universe and I am hopeful.
I've also had a loss in my life recently. My (for lack of a better term and because he may as well be) step-dad's mother passed away after a looong illness. It was and still is really sad. I hate that she is gone and he and my mom are hurting, but I know she is in a better place and no longer hurting.
I really struggled with the whole thing leading up to her death. I hated how much pain she was in, I hated that my mom and step-dad were so tired and having to watch her waste away. It just didn't seem fair. I was really frustrated that everything seemed to fall on them and no one else would help.
But. Its all in the past now and I hope that God will provide the grace, healing and strength it will take to get through this time.
I also found out that my ex (the subject of a couple of my blogs) lied to me and is in a relationship with a girl he lied to me about on many different occasions before. I found out right after I had emailed him my letter I posted last time. The pain I felt was bad, but I was so angry about him lying to me. I should have known better. I wish I didn't give people the benefit of the doubt so often. I don't know if it's a good thing or not about my character. I wish I was a little more skeptical about people and their intentions.
All in all, I have REALLY been trying to get my life back on track and get my relationship with God stronger. I feel like I have succeeded so far. I have been praying some pretty specific prayers and I am truly seeing God work in my life and answer those prayers.
I have always struggled with loneliness. I have some good friends but for some reason I have never let myself be fully candid and myself around them. I always hide a part of myself. I saw these girls I grew up with and they were all best friends. There was no doubt that they were the popular girls at school and at church. I never had much in common with them and I never felt like I was good enough to be their friend. We were nice to one another for the most part, but there wasn't a friendship. Now I have a couple of friends, but we aren't in the same place in our lives. They are getting married or on the other end of the spectrum and not anywhere close to being ready to settle down. I feel like I am in the middle. Same with those girls I grew up with. They are all married with kids. I'm left out. I feel like a puzzle piece that, no matter which way you turn me, I don't fit in any spot. I'm working on that though. I am trying to find my place.
I have been praying about God sending me a friend. Someone who will help me with my Christian walk and be a real, true, friend. Two days after I poured out my heart to God, I got an email from one of those girls I have nothing in common with inviting me to something. It felt good to be included and I don't know, maybe it's the start of something. She doesn't know it, but she was answering a desperate prayer. (she probably knows now if she read this though. lol)
Never doubt that you are needed by someone. You have no idea how just a simple email, smile, or acknowledgment can encourage a person. You may not feel like you do much good for the world as a whole, but you may just make someone's day increasingly better by just being friendly.
Since this blog is kind of all over the place I will end it here. I hope you all have a blessed day and week. Smile. Laugh. Love. Enjoy the little things, you may one day find that those "little things" were actually the "big things" that you couldn't live without.
Much Love My Lovelies!
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