Self-ish VS Self-less

I'm a big fan of being a Daddy's Girl. Big Fan. I'm also a Mommas Girl. I know if I absolutely want something or need something and I can't get it on my own, my parents will do whatever they can to help me. I do not think I am a selfish person because of this fact. I think I am just very blessed to have parents who put my happiness up there on the top of their priorities list. I have always struggled with thinking I may be selfish, though. Especially when people tell me and tell my friends how selfish and spoiled I am. That really hurts me.

I recently had a falling out with a friend. I have been going through a lot of stuff in my personal life and because I felt like those things took precedent over going out on the weekends, I was dubbed a selfish brat. Let me get one thing straight, my family comes first. I have made that abundantly clear to anyone and everyone in my life. If that makes me selfish, I guess I am selfish. I do not think it makes me self centered when I am worried about family members...but maybe I'm just crazy.

I try very hard to be a good friend. I go out of my way to attend birthday parties for children and relatives, I answer the phone at 2 AM to be a comfort to someone who is upset, I go out with people I do not particularly like to make my friends more comfortable. I do a lot. However, during the past 2 months when I have been the friend in need, I have hardly gotten a comforting text message, let alone anything else. I have bit my tongue. I have not complained. I have just decided that this is how it will be. Then I am labeled the selfish one? I don't think so. I would like to think I am being Self-less....

God wants us to be selfless. He wants us to be like Jesus and give all of ourselves to Him and His Will. He wants us to lay down our lives for our friends. He tells us to Treat Others The Way We Would Like To Be Treated.

I am learning how to do this. I a trying to grow into a bigger better person. I have already done ALOT of growing lately and with that growing comes growing pains. I remember when my little brother was younger and he had what the doctor called growing pains. His legs would be rigid and he would cry and cry. My growing pains aren't of the physical nature though. Mine are of the emotional and spiritual nature. I am losing friends, friends I thought were going to be there forever. I did what I thought was best and what I thought Jesus would have me do in a situation and I lost a friend because of it. That hurts. I will probably lose a lot more friends too. I consider it all worth it though. I am doing God's Will. I am being the daughter, sister, cousin, niece, and friend that God wants me to be.
I do not begrudge anyone anything. I don't hope that someone will fail or lose a relationship because of the choices they made. I hope the best for them. God has a specific plan for everyone. I just really want to know for sure that I am following His plan for Me.
I think I am following His plan for me because I feel peace. Of course I am sad that I am losing these people from my life, but I know I will be OK. I have total peace about it. I know it will be hard and I won't be this content with my decisions all the time, but I know I will be OK. I know its for a REASON.
That's what faith is....we may not know the reason, we may not understand the path, but we have FAITH that its for the best. Do I wish I had some say so in the plan? YES! I want to go back to college, I want to get married and have little babies and live a wonderful (relatively easy) life. None of that is what He has for me right this second though. If I was being the selfish person I have the ability to be, I would be doing what I wanted any way and forcing my plan into action. But. I will wait and pray and Seek God's Will.

I am finally finding my joy, a little at a time, and its by doing the right thing for me and the right thing by my loved ones. I want to be selfless and be able to praise God in whatever circumstance I am in. I will do whatever it takes to get there.