Forgiveness and Stuff

Forgive and Forget. Wipe the slate clean. Kiss and Make up. Let By Gones be By Gones. However you want to say it, it all means the same thing. Someone, maybe that someone is you, messes up and the other person excuses the behavior or transgression and you both start over.
I have forgiven people in my life that probably didn't deserve forgiveness. They hurt me in some way or another, but I let it go and wiped the slate clean. I don't know why it has become so necessary for me to forgive these people, especially lately, but I really feel strongly about forgiveness. I have seen what NOT forgiving someone can do to your life. I do not want that to be me. I do not want to hold grudges and let past hurts dictate my life.
Life is too short to not forgive people. We are all human and all make mistakes. How on EARTH would we all get ANYWHERE if we didn't forgive each other? No one would ever be friends or lovers. We would all be stomping around with scowls on our faces hating life! I can't possibly do that. Everyone would be miserable. I have some of those bitter people in my life right now and I just want to avoid them at all costs. It's not funny or fun to be around jaded and hate filled people.
There is a man who has hurt me in the past. Broken my heart and left me crying on the floor asking why he didn't love me. He's asked for my forgiveness, a few times, and every time I give it to him. I may not ever know WHY he hurt me and he may not know either, but that's OK. God doesn't ask us for reasons why we sin against Him. God doesn't refuse to forgive us when we mess up 47 different times. If we come to Him and ask Him to forgive us with a genuine and repentant heart, He will. I keep saying that I want to be more like Jesus and I want to have true Joy and Peace. How am I supposed to do that if I refuse to give someone forgiveness. If I refuse to say, "I believe you are sorry and I accept your apology." There is no way.

Now, do I believe that he won't hurt me again? No. It takes more than a simple apology to make me trust his intentions.

Some people really don't understand how I can keep forgiving him for how he hurt me and treated me. I don't understand it myself, truthfully. People say he will just do it again and he will manipulate me and break my heart and leave me back on that bathroom floor crying. Yes. He might. I am not saying I am going to run away to Paris and marry him. I AM saying that I forgive him. After time has passes, and if I see a sincere change, maybe I will trust him again with my heart. I can't live my life wondering what if and I can't live my life not forgiving. Forgiveness doesn't mean you don't have fears and uncertainties. You may disagree with me and my choice to let the past be the past. That's OK. I don't expect anyone who was around when he hurt me to agree with this. I remember what it was like. It isn't logical. It IS what I need to do to have peace in my heart though.
I am not stepping into this lightly. I am being careful and leaving every single part of it in God's hands. I am taking care to guard my heart. I am in charge of where this goes and what parts of my heart I give. I know what I am doing. I want you to understand that just because I forgive him, doesn't mean I forget every pang and tear. I want you to trust me in this.

There is a saying that the truth will set you free. I don't think it really means the truth as in not lying. I think it means, the Truth, Jesus. The Way The Truth and The Life. Jesus will set you free if you allow Him into your heart and life. I am trying to let Jesus set me free. I am trying to let Him have my burdens and my hurts and my grudges that I am still hanging on to.
I fully trust and believe that God has His hand in my life and will continue to do so. I fully believe that God is in control. I fully believe that He will not allow me to be hurt beyond repair and He will not give me more than I can handle. I know He will take care of me, just as He always has done and always will do.